To Be Loved, Be Lovable
Updated: Jan 28, 2021
He asked, “How do you do it? How do you make a woman fall in love with you? What am I doing wrong?”
I said you have to give her something to love. You have to show yourself, all of you. Don’t be afraid of saying the wrong thing. Saying nothing is worse. Don’t be scared of making her angry or disappointed. You can’t keep that from happening, and you don’t want to. That would rob her of the chance to feel strong, a great gift you can give her.
You don’t always have to be virtuous in her eyes. If you care for her, let her take care of you. Love is as much pity as it is admiration. Give her the chance to love your weaknesses. You show more strength by owning them than attempting to hide them out of sight.
Listen to her moods and respond, but always respond from honesty. If you only say what you think she wants to hear while swallowing up your true reactions, what she will actually hear is the hollowness of your spoken words, as well as the hum of those unspoken words you hold back.
Offer only that emptiness, polite or kind or thoughtful as it may be, and you erase yourself from her. You leave her lonely even in your presence, and that is a terrible loneliness to give her. It will quench whatever warmth she felt for you.