I want you to know that I believe in you. I do. I believe in you more than you believe in yourself. I believe that you have the power to suck less. I know you have that in you.
Sure, you won't ever be able to keep from sucking entirely. But who does? Everyone sucks a little bit, now and then. Think of the very best person you know. No, not that one. Are you kidding? Oh my God, that person sucks so fucking hard! You didn't know? Dude! I can tell you stories of suck that would suck the wind right out of you.
No, think of someone even less sucky than that. You got 'em? Ok, yeah, that person is awesome, amazing, a real pinnacle of virtue--and at the tip-top of that pinnacle, right at its most virtuous point, is a big ol' shaft of suck.
Seriously! And you know what? They will say so themselves! That's one of the most un-sucky things about them that they own their own suck with full force and call themselves out on it. Why, we were just having coffee not that long ago, and they were saying, "Dude, I really sucked hard the other day..."
And, I'm like, "Damn, you really did. Wow."
I was not minimizing or excusing the suck, like, "Oh, I'm sure the sucking wasn't that bad..." or "Well, maybe if you look at it this way, that sucking isn't really sucking at all..." Fuck that noise. Their sucking was some severe suckage, no doubt about it.
And I love them for it. If they didn't suck, there would be something very wrong with them. They'd be one of those alien drones sent to destroy us all--and are we gonna let them get away with that? Hell, no! If you see someone who doesn't suck at all, in whom you cannot find an ounce of suck, not one milligram of micro-suck even, then you are under a moral obligation to bash that alien drone's brain in. It is the only sure way to save the entire planet from total annihilation.
So we all suck. We have to. Everyone has to eat, sleep, poop, die, and somewhere in there, we have to suck.
But you really could suck a little less. I speak from experience on this because I used to suck a whole lot more than I do right now. I mean, I still suck a fuckload--there's no denying that. Yet I thank everything good in my life that I can say with total confidence that I suck at least fractionally less than I used to.
And you can too. You can suck less. And when you do, fuck, are you going to be so much happier.